ENO .... WORKS IN SECONDS !!!!

WASSAPAGARAZZ my people ! 


Klat king says ...... LEGOOOOOOH ! 


If ur boss akileta nyef nyef , tunafanya niniii ? LEGOOOOOH !


Bibi ama Bwana akileta nyef nyef , tunafanya niniii ? LEGOOOOOOH !


Lakini kama unasoma hii kwa math3, ka ofisi, na unaskia kushuta usi fanye niniiii ??? 


Usi ..... LEGOOOOOOH :-)


Wsup good people, been a fresh second ,but am back in ya faces wit a bang ! And what is wrong with you guys from Naivasha na Nakuru. You know all the crazy ish** we read in the papers or vibe we catch on T.V. kujaz from those sides ! 


Kama gazo (gazeti) ya leo ... ati some dendei umad anaa mami her lips juu alitaka kuhepa na bwana yake ! hehe ! 


Wachana na hiyo, theaz a storo i heard that thea was this guy and he wanted to get rid of this clingy shawtie , so akaamua kununua ENO !!!
Yessss, ile Eno ya " works in seconds ", i think he was for the idea it would work in seconds ! Anyhu alinunua, kisha akaiweka chini ya pillow ! 


So the dendei, like clock work visits the nikka for her ka romping shop spree :-)
After ma ninio ( PG 21 ) ... :-) they ate ka-fry na ka-sembe and proceeded to catch a snooze. 


Vile wamedozz , manzi aliamshwa na mateke ! Alaaa !!! 
The Nyeri in her ilikuwa ready kuFAYAAAA !!! :-)


But on further inspection she saw that the guy was foaming from the mouth ! Waaaaah !!! Msee ako na kifafa ! 
Bosssss, huyo woman-DE ( the chic )vile hakutaka mikosi  hakuonekana tena since that day.


It was later revealed after they slept , the nikka popped the Eno from under his pillow into his mouth and so his epileptic fiasco ensued !!! Now we know ENO WORKS in SECONDS ! :-)


He was later quoted saying " Kifafa, ndoo JIBU ya hawa ma HANGER " ( women who cling )






AND the JOKE of the DAY  :


( ** i know you guys had missed this segment ** ) 




The Talking Frog 


A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. 
He is on the second hole, a par three, when he notices a frog sitting near the second tee. He thinks nothing of it and is about to strike the ball when he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron."

The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. 
"Ribbit. 9 Iron." 
He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his 6 iron away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom!  He hits it 10 inches from the cup.


He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow, that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?"  


The frog replies, "Ribbit. Lucky frog." 


The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. 
"What do you think, frog?" the man asks. 


"Ribbit. 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom!  Hole in one. 


The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best round of golf of his life and asks the frog, "Okay, where to next?" 


The frog replied, "Ribbit. Las Vegas." 


They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "Okay, frog, now what?"


The frog says, "Ribbit. Roulette." 


Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" 


The frog replied, "Ribbit. $3000.  Black 6." Now, this is a 
35-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Black 6 hits, and he makes $105,000. 
Tons of chips comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel.  


He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."


The frog replied, "Ribbit. Kiss me." He figures why not, since 
after all the frog did for him he deserves it. With a kiss, the 
frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."


LMAO !!!! 


So my good people ukikamatwa , JITETEE vilivyo ! JITETEE !! Sema ni CHURA !!! hehehe !




BrrrrrraaaaP !!! CHOKA Sssssssaaana !!!!!! 


KLAT OUT !!!! 

NYEREH WOMEN ON THE RAMPAGE !!! Happy Valentines :-)

NYEREH NYEREH NYEREH !!! Iko nini mnatumaliza hivi wasichana wa  NYEREH ! GAI FAFA !!! 


So i have not been the perfect husband or lover and yes you equate my love making skills to that of a hamster 
( ati i am a Tha-teeh-FAE (35) sec man ) , but does that mean you have to pour hot water on my bare CONAN chest when am trynna catch a snooze ?? 


Nandee unanigatha gatha na panga , Gaki ! Gaki ! Avaisekee vakothomarisa , one pai one 
( Disclaimer : Rants and Raves of a Kisii mad man )


And the torture si physical peke yake ! Sasa mtu akikuambia " Unajiita dume, mudu wa nyuba, na Hata hujui kuniwekerea mpaka nikarainika kama kashati kamepakwo pasi ! " Surely ???


Waaaah ! A man loses moral bana ! Lungula ushaambiwa imechapa ! Ume beat ku BEAT msee wa nguyas
( yaani uv chapaad my guy ) , even when the Mrs. is not around  and your watching a porn flick you face ultimate rejection .... ultimate rejection meaning, mpaka your ka own hand falls asleep while masturbating. Ma-Q this is no laughing matter it is psychological tra-UMA , if ur hands saree ur own vibe !! Alafu mtu anachemsha maji anakurushia ukilala ! SHETANI :-)


Tafadhali , msitumalize  !!!! A cry from a man who daz not want to face such tra-UMA made me write about this ! He fears such tra-UMA can destroy his life and well being ! :-)


Moving along, kesho ni siku ya ma ninio , ma flower, ma shugwa, ma tu mapera, ma choku, ma lingerie 
(pronounced  roh -jah-reeeh ) :-) 
Kesho is valentines and since women are complaining they need a good man in their lives i saw this somewhere and i thought why not let you , the lady, decide among the 7 types of men listed below, which one do you want to BAG for yourself :-)



And here they are : The 7 Most Important Men in a Woman's Life


1) The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes." 


2) The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide." 


3) The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?" 


4) The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?" 


5) The Interior Designer - who tells her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!" 


6) The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!" 


7) The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and lie still!" 

HAPPY VALENTINES :-)

Special shout out to my homegal Val ! Mad support ! 

CHOKA Ssssssana ! 

KLAT OUT !!!

FUNNY TITS and A RABBIT :-)

2012 ! Am Alive !!! ITA WAITERRRRR, ITA WAITER !!! 


Twololo !


My nikkas !!! What ...a ....holiday , what a party that was right ? Actually those were so many panties i attended ... Ooops :-) i meant parties , lol ! 


So siesta off, enter Klat King and si i have stories to tell ! Wacha kwanza i line em up in an orderly fashion and start posting 'em from kesho, but just a quick one, was in Harare like a month ago and i met this friend of mine who took me to a stripper bar where the stippers had this tight tops ..... okay they had no tops but u get the idea, the ka top was so tight mpaka skin showed literary ! :-)


So my stripper ... :-)....she .................her name was Candy Boots :-) and boy did she have a bag of sweets !!!
Nw am not saying i had me a taste of candy but lets just say i acquired a sweet tooth :-)


The location of confusion where mammary glands dance salsa on their own as if possessed by Mexican voodoo was called FUNNY TITS ! ( i.e. the name of the bar dimwit )


Nw before you jump to any wishy washy ideas like me , u can let me explain , coz at first i thought like i was going to enter as see like tits painted like clowns and the painted double D JUGS :-) would tell jokes and i would laugh while having a boner at the same time ! :-) Well ... that was not the case !


Lets just say the tits told a joke at the end of the day.
:-)


So i proceeded to order from the "professional dancer" menu :-) the " IRISH JOKE " which cost me 4 dollars and a quot of lager for a dollar-five 
(side note: that is how u say 1.5 dollars ) 


So fast forwarding the tale of "funny tits" :-) i got a "professional dance" ...lol,  from Miss CANDY Boots and during her well presented jig she read this to me :


" Paddy who is Irish, wanted to be an accountant, so he went and took the Irish accountancy exam.

Examiner: If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits do you have?

Paddy: Five.

Examiner: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Paddy: Five.

Examiner: Let's try this another way. If I give you two bottles of beer and then I give you another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got?

Paddy: Four.

Examiner: Good! Now, if I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Paddy: Five.

Examiner: How on earth do you work out that two lots of two rabbits is five?

Paddy: I've already got one rabbit at home! "

N then she pulled a rabbit out of her ass !!!!! 

Hahahaha ! Of cos she did NOT !!!! :-)

2012 KLAT KING GOES VIRAL ! You have been warned ! Ujinga HAITAPUNGUA !!! 

Oh and one other thing .... heard this from a certain rabbit that yo mama bought for christmas ....

" Yo mama so dirty that you can’t tell where the dirt stops and she begins."

Hahaha, Ouuuuuuch !

CHOKA SSSSSSSSANA !

KLAT OUT !