NANI ALIPE MBOCH 7,500 !!!!!! CHOKA SSSSANA !!!!!!

Wsup wsup KLATISTS ( ardent Klat king bloggers ) i greet u all :-) 
SSSSMACK !!!!


Its been a random couple of weeks and we have seen the best of Nairobi, and am hoping uv been vigilant. 


If you have then you should have seen Mike Sonko seek independence for his shinde ( i.e. a moti 4 the not so .COM :-) ) and was victorious as he freed his car from the opressive city council clamp! Let us not forget his Mohammed Ali , float like a butterfly sting like a bee air jabs and pin point precision attack on a wall, fence and gate :-)


Sam Ongeri ...... Sam Ongeri is just a pice of *#%@^$@ . I commend the activists. You must have seen the mad-max, nun chuck, saber rider, gate chain activists ! Awesome right ?
( ma-Q, they had applied themselves wit human excrements, toka juu hadi chini, talk about, passion 4 the cause ) 


They made Freddie Krueger ( Nightmare on Elm Street) look like Justin Bieber :-)


But honestly they sounded the trumpets and made all kenyans understand , that if ur tired ruggedy ass of a mother *&%#$@  ........SHUT UR MOUTH .... steals 4B  ..... !!! then rest assured , we are coming to ur door step ....... covered wit placards and faeces. Am just saying ! :-)


Nw i dont know hw that is supposed to cartail Sam and his friends' wicked ways but am assuming it was like an abstract expression of their views, that we will NOT TAKE UR SHIT dear SIR !!! 
" U dont give us SHIT ... We bring the SHIT #@%^&^ !" Choka Sssssana !! :-)


So .... ati our mboches ( house helps/gals or 4 some of us, our 1st sexual teacher/trainer/patner ) are gettn a pay rise, mimimum salo sijui 8 Ngwaa !!!! For those who have been paying thea mboch 1500 am sure u went like WTF !!! Hehe.


A pal of mine broke it down it down like this : 

We already pay beyond the minimum 7,500/- wage!!! 1.       Basic - 3,500.00 2.       Accommodation – (three star, but let us rate it real River road cheap, @ 200 per          night x 30 days) – KES 6,000/= a month 3.       Food – (Same diet as the boss! Sausages, marmalade, fruits and all but at River Road rates) B/Fast @KES 80/=, lunch @ KES 100/=, dinner @ KES 150/= Total day KES 450/= x 30 days – KES 9,900/= 4.       Utilities – Water @ 500/=a month (200 litres a day – boy, do those girls know how to use water!), Electricity (watching Nigeria movies on Africa Magic & Channel ‘o’, microwaving food, water heater etc) @ 1,000/= a month, Soap & Laundry (NOTHING TO SAY HERE!!!) @ 1,500/= a month. 5.       Admin and training costs -  (they have to be trained on how to operate everything, including flushing the loos, pinching kitchen budget for airtime and marashi etc) @ 600 a month. 6.       GRAND TOTAL – KES 23,000/= a month. Chief, if I put a + 10 % margin of error on the above, these people earn Supervision pay and benefits, do nothing for 8 out of 12 hours (the other 12 they are sleeping). They therefore qualify as Grade 4 (management) and are therefore outside the minimum wage bracket!  My dear house-girl, Before I comply to the minimum wage requirement that you heard about on my radio/plasma TV, please update your CV and attach the following: 1.  A secondary school certificate can do but having a degree will be an added advantage 2.  Certificate in housekeeping from recognized institution. 3.  A paper narrating your previous experience, minimum 5 years. 4.  Should be fluent in English and Swahili and my vernacular since my mother in law  visits once in a while. 5.  Most of my household equipments are digital, like microwave,     mobile phone, radio system, Cable TV and Video, You therefore need to have a diploma in       Information Technology!!. 6. Three reputable referees. Regards, Your employer

HAHAHAHAHA !

Nw that must have brought a smile to those who lipa em 1500 bob :-)


Moving along ........ So av like randomized a couple of jokes that guys forwarded to me.


Nw , see we all love ku hog, ku sosi, ku jibonda, truth be told , sote twapenda kuManga , right ??


(And on that last one .... am still talking bout food :-) ..... try throwing in Alfred Mutua's voice in that statement and it sounds even better, haha )


So this is what you would face on the menu if u walked into a Lunje ( Luhya ) food cafe those sides for Western, say for instance Bungoma town. :-)

MENU

Tonut na maantasi  5.00/=
Homelet Blain        4.50/=
Jai na zgonji          5.00/=
Tenku na ukali       6.00/=
Jabati Pantika        6.40/=
Gugu ya ingo         50.00/=
Gugu ya genjik      25.00/=
Mgade Poflo          6.50/=
Zdrungi kafu          1.50/=
Matonto na Mihoko 30.00/= Zamagi ntoko        23.00/=

hahahaha.....

And this was seen in a Khakhameka (kakamega) kiosk :-)

Jayi shikombe ndoko  5/=
Jayi shikombe kupwa  7/=
Jabadi msima           10/=
Mandasi kitoko          5/=
Mkuu ya gugu           25/=
Gugu Kupwa msima  100/=
Ukali mulima            15/=
Zubu wa msima        12/=
Fiasi garanga (jips)   15/=
Ukali wa mawimpi     11/=

"Karipuni nyode pila jugi na vidina" "mkiyendako mruti tena azandeni"

And my personal favourite ... from a restaurant in Nyanza :

Chai ukuombe muoto 5/=

Hahahaha ! 


The way we speak just identifies us, so we should be proud of our origins  :-)




Oh n finally, a jeng ( luo ) is in a jav and wants to alight, so he tells the konkodi ( conductor )


" SukiSa mimi hapo kwa petrol SteSSon bwana ! " :-)




The msapere ( Kikuyu ) sittn next to him starts to laugh and comments ...


" Inaonekana nikamakwaBa unaCHida ya matamiCHi ! "




LMFAO !!!!!






Enjoy ur day people ! SMACK !!






KLAT OUT !!!! BRAP !!!

NANI ALIANDIKA HIVI KWA CHUPA YANGU YA TUSKER ????

WAAAAT !!! Hii baridi itatumaliza as we know it. Dude, man its like winter in Nairobi ! 


Don't u wish u just had those tiny miniature whisky bottles that they serve u ukiwa huko ndani kwa ndege ( na KQ are very stinji wit thos botiz, i personally recommend fly emirates ) and of cos with ur Kenyan tabiaz u ask 4 none less than 6 of em tiny bastards. :-)


Now, i have no idea why my chic keeps insisting on telling me " Take off your clothes and pull out your credit cards, its FRIDAY!! "


I aint calling her an eskimo or anythn :-) , but in this weather some may beg to differ ! lol ! 


Anyhu, being a FURAHI-day, evry1 on a pay grade sufficient to warm their bellies wit a mug of beer or a glass of wine is definitely heading to the bar after work ! and when i say evry1 i mean a multitude of 'wanaNICHI' :-)


Lenga the 8th wonder of the world, sijui going to the Mara watchn Wild beest crossing the Tana River ! F*** that ! Wee enda tu usimame pale kencom at 5pm leo. I call it the ONLY wonder of the world :-) 


Kenyans flock away from ( yaani watu wanaenda in the opposite direction ) the matatu terminus' in a synchronized fashion. 
Its like we practice the routine in small sects during the week after work and come friday at 5p.m. it all comes together like it was choreographed by that guy 4rm 'so u think u can dance' ( the one whose head bobbles about like he's about to have a seizure or like a retard trying to chase all the bright stage lights ) 


So ... we enter into whichever drinking den/palour/bar/pit-stop we can squeeze into ! And the equivalent of the crocodiles in that river to Nairobians, is the traffic jam. 
If u can beat the traffic and reach the promised land a.k.a "the BAR" you have accomplished the impossible :-)


For some, as they sit at their desks they go into this trance, unnoticeable but yet powerful as 5p.m. draws near , and when the cookoo bird jumps out of that clock ( nani anakumbuka bell ya home time ukiwa prima, n the dash to see who would chuk out of the gate 1st ? ka uliwai kuwa no.1 in that event, lets just say , we all sadly know by now you wea never among the bright kids in skool , hehe, true story sio diss ) 


Anyhu, wea was I ...... yeah, for these guys chukn from the office, lets just say Usain Bolt on a 100 meter dash runs like Pamela Anderson on baywatch ( super slow motion > i.e. for the slow ones :-)) 


And what is it with this craze in the office of whoever comes up with the location of the new LOUNGE in town or whicheva "lokeh" ( i.e. joint ) u discovered it in you are promoted to head HONCHO , at least until you are dethroned by discovery of another new, fresh, banging 'lokeh' by a different workmate !!! 


Mtu anakuwa rewarded na a title of " Mr. or Mrs. PLAN ." Its like those stars u are awarded wen u wea in naso ( nursery ) for spelling banana correctly. For the smart ones u definitely see the RELATION here :-)


Alcohol does kinda kick ass. No....i correct myself ! Alcohol KICKS major ASS !! Drinking is polite but we gotta have a LIMIT to how we drink. 


And theaz no better random advert to limit our excessive drinking and driving than the one where ur piss drunk and Nameless pops out 4rm NOWHERE ! This advert just wins 4 creativity ( am being very sarcastic ) hehe. 


Nameless, F***n teleports into the advert. He just pops into the scene like a fairy god mother and starts rumbling on n on and offers to drive u and ur gorgeous wife back to ur house !! 


The guy who came up with that advert was indeed , with no doubt in my mind

..................................................PISS DRUNK !!! 


Ata unishow nini, that nikka who came up wit that advert had a bright idea as he sat there, piss drunk ..... on bad beer like Pilsner ( hehe, that beer is for sissys) , wit a couple of his KENYAN pals at his favourite " LOUNGE " :-)


Lemme not bore you wit the usual drinking blogger story and i will jump right into the some witty stuff i picked up last night while i knocked back a couple of shots of JD with my "team mates" as we rehearsed for the ONLY wonder of the world :-) happening today at 5p.m. Don't miss out, its a sold out event. :-)



So when your drunk here are some word that are DIFFICULT TO SAY :

* Indubitably
* Preliminary ( *** wasapere, izeni )
* Proliferation ( *** wasapere tena , izeni , hehehe)


And when you are drunk here are some words that are VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY :


* Specificity
* Antidisestablishmentarianism
* Loquacious
* Transubstantiate


Hiyo ya pili ata ukiwa sorber ni disaster ! N if ur a Jeng, umekwiSaa ! lol !


And here are some statements of which when you are drunk, are DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY : 


* Thanks, but I don't want to have sex  ! (hahaha)
* Nope, no more booze for me  !
* Sorry, but you're not really my type ( hehe )
* Oh, no, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing !


Next up ........ 


What if when you ordered that tusker bottle and EABL just decide to make u well aware that excessive alcohol consumption is harmful to your health and they tried on a couple of the following for good measure ??


Wakenya bado najua mtakunywa 'excessively' no matter wat :-)


1. WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties. (*** hahaha) 


2. WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.


3. WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.


4. WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.


5. WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.( *** just go to any Karaoke night n u will see :-) )


6. WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. 


7. WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.


8. WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns. On the forehead, knees and lower back. ( *** haha )


9. WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.


10. WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.


11. WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. (*** hehe)


12. WARNING:
The crumsumpten of alcahol may mack you tink you can tipe reel gude. (***lol)




As a recognized, exemplary, accredited and world renowned "writer" :-) i think no.12 applies 4 me.


You can leave comments on the ones that apply to you in the comments section below ! :)




AND.................. we cannot forget ...... the joke of the day :)




REDNECKS IN THE HOSPITAL and what they understand when they hear:

Artery......................The study of paintings.
Benign......................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria....................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium......................What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section............A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan.....................Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize...................Made eye contact with her.
Colic.......................A sheep dog.
Coma........................A punctuation mark.
D&C.........................Where Washington is.
Dilate......................To live long.
Enema.......................Not a friend.
Fester......................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula......................A small lie.
Genital.....................Non-Jewish person.
G.I.Series..................World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail....................What you hang your coat on.
Impotent....................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain..................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff...............A Doctor's cane.
Morbid......................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates....................Cheaper than day rates.
Node........................I knew it.
Outpatient..................A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear...................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis......................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative..............A letter carrier.
Recovery Room...............Place to do upholstery.
Rectum......................Darn near killed him.
Secretion...................Hiding something
Seizure.....................Roman emperor.
Tablet......................A small table.
Terminal Illness............Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor.......................More than one.
Urine.......................Opposite of you're out
Varicose....................Near by

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ! ( ..... can't stop laughn) enjoy ur FURAHI-day people ! 

KLAT OUT !!!! BRAP !!

ARE U HIS KLANDE ??? Look out for these signs !

Mbuzi choma , Beef Fry, Tusker, Jack Daniels, Wine, beautiful people and a whole load of MWAXX ... the weeeknd that just passed in one word ............
RE-FRESHENING ! 


Big up to my nikka Henry Bett, finally got a J, O, B .... and now sits, just behind me in the same office, hehe, n yesss... kazi itafanywa and productivity is at an all time high ! 

Congratulations are in order ..... and ladies, he's on a higher pay grade than me and he's "single" ( for those who understand the theory of RELATIVITY then you will understand why his "single" mode is in quotes, haha ) 

So the atha day i got an email, a friend request and an inbox :-) from a certain dendei, urging me to help her find out if she was a SIDE CHIC coz she jst dazn't know wats happening or going on in her relationship with her guy, n on and on she went, yadiyadayada ..... bottom line is , was her guy playing her ?

Now, I am no Aunt Betsy, where you get all ur relationship and marital issues sorted out, but i kinda felt sory 4 her coz her photo is really pretty and av scheduled a date wit her next week , bt thats beside the point :-) 

The point is ........... hehehehe, the point is ....... hw can KLAT KING help this damzel in distress ? :-) 

So i did a bit of research and i landed on some pretty gud material that will help any chic, slov, dendei, dwas, mami, shawty,etc. to understand if she is a MPANGO wa KANDO, yaani kama ur not the furi furi condition in his life then u must be a KLANDESTINE !!! 

Ma-Q, for thos wanaitwagwoh .... "washaba", i.e. shady folk,  Klandestine is not the country bordering Palestine ! 

( ummmm..... okay that joke was dry )

Moving along swiftly................................................ ( so embarassed )

Now my fellow nikkas, I will confirm that the BRO CODE has not been breached. I have gone thru the rules before publishing this post and i can say that the following statements are those expressed from research by a girl obviously ! At NO point did i thnk that they were cool, but I however found them enlightening so that if for some reason ur chic ( ahem !! ...... Excuse me ... UR SIDE chic  ) is aware of these things and is planning to bust ur canniving piece of an Awesome cheater ass, then u will be safe , as u will COUNTER her ways and reign supreme and we ( all men ) will seat at the top of Mt. Olympus and share of our close encounter , nearly busted tales, over assorted peanuts and beer ! 

P.S. Am in a very happy relationship and the views expressed above are of a deranged idiot and i do NOT condone cheating :-) 

Kiki, babe, u rock :-*

So ladies, here are a couple of things you probably need to take note of ...

1. His phone NEVER rings (***hii ni uwongo, u guy my guy, c u just ambia her ur not a social guy )

If you’re with someone throughout the day and you never seen them reach for their phone, you’re the side chick. Who carries a phone and doesn’t receive at least one phone call or text message throughout the day. It could be on silent (no sound or vibration) or it’s completely off, either way he’s not talking on the phone around you. What is he hiding? 

(***classic case of chic paranoia, hehe )

2. His phone is usually uncharged, about to die or out of service

If 90% of the time you call him it goes straight to voicemail, you’re the side chick. This correlates to his phone never ringing. He could be with someone else at the time and can’t pick up the phone to talk to you, so he turns it off. No one carries around a dead phone all the time.

(*** he's an engineer and the sites he visits are very far away in the bundus .... si basi ninunulie generator, choka ssssana !!! ) :-)

3. He repeats himself a lot ( *** since when was being a stammerer a crime, my feelings are hurt :-) )

If he repeatedly tells you what’s he’s doing this up coming weekend or what he did this past weekend, you’re one of many side chicks. The reason a guy repeats himself is because he can’t remember who he told what to. When he can’t remember, his options are to 
A) ask if he told you “X ‘or 
B) repeat himself. 
The smart guy would repeat himself because asking if he told you something is admitting that he can’t keep track of his women.

4. His compliments are focused around physical appearance

(*** he just has an eye 4 art, kwani mnataka chali mwenye si artistic ? )
If the only nice things he has to say about you is centered around the way you look or your performance, you’re the sexy side chick. This guy is obviously only into you for your body. Most people think that guys are one track minded, so compliments only surrounding sex, make sense. But the truth is that we actually think about other stuff too.
So if you say something somewhat intelligent and his reply is, “Your lips are so cute” chances are you’re not the chick that he listens to.

5. Dates are never last minute

(*** haha, this is a flippn lie, just coz am organized unaanza kunishuku ? )
If ALL your dates are planned at least a week in advanced, he has other chicks on his schedule. He probably sets aside a day just for his side chicks. If you’re not already in the books for that day on the current week, he makes you wait until the following week, before he’s “free” again. 
(*** The NIkka has got a JOB , are u freakn kiddn me ???? )

6. Dates are closer to your home/work than his

If you’ve never been out to a place that’s in the vicinity of his job or home, you’re the side chick. He never takes you to those places because he doesn’t want to risk the chance of running into something that may know about his other chick(s). Next time you go out with him, suggest a place near his home and see he what says.
( *** the closer u are to ur digs the easier it is 2 drop ur pretty ass, so u want me to drive u 4rm a restaurant 40 miles away 2 ur digz ? Na mbwa za kwetu hazijui wageni, hehe )

7. He’s never disappointed or angry or upset when you cancel on him

If he could care less whether he sees you are not, you’re the side chick. Things come up all the time and you may have to cancel a date with him. If he is too cool about not seeing you, he definitely has someone else to occupy his time.
(*** being understanding is being misconstrued for this ???? CHOKA SSSSSSANA ! ) 

8. You never catch him looking at other women

If you’re with a guy and he NEVER looks at attractive women when they pass by, he can’t be trusted. He’s either on the DL or well-trained as a player. What ever the case is, it’s not good for you.
(*** N when we look u complain that we dont focus on you, and when we dont look you still complain ??? haha )

9. He disabled his wall on his Facebook profile

If I guy doesn’t want people leaving messages on his Facebook wall, chances are that he’s hiding something, or someone. That someone could be you.
(*** i don't want my boss whose my friend on fb, readn the nasty comments my boyz write, and u know how nasty they can get, huh ? :-) )

10. He keeps his home extra clean

If a guys apartment is always clean, it could mean one of two things: 
1) his girlfriend cleans it for him or 
2) he’s used to entertaining a lot of women, and women love a clean apartment. If you were impressed by it, chances are you’re not the only one who is.

( *** Hahahaha ! since when has Tidiness , cleanliness, ... MOther#@$@^@&, whoever came up wit this takataka can go lay an egg ,coz they must be a goose ! :-) )


Ridiculous i know !! So fellaz am sure 4 a freaGIN min u thot i was gonna toss some salad, huh ?? NEVER ! Bro CODE to the max ! hi 5 ! SMACK !!!!


DISCLAIMER : the views expressed in this column are of a deranged bafoon known as KLATKING ! The real man behind the BRAND, " KlatKing " is a relationship fearing man , does not cheat and has never chat ( opposite of cheat ). 
If you are of the fairer sex ( and i do not mean GAY ) please inbox me your issues and i will sort them out as described above or setup a meet at a private location of your choice. Discretion is key and all our clients privacy is handled with utmost care. :-) Thank you.




AND the joke of the day :-)

A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. 
Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. 
After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. 


The bartender is curious and asks him, "Every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?" 


The man replies


 "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."


hahahaha! 


Boys lets go home !


KLAT OUT !!!! BRAP !

PLACE YOUR BETS ? TUSKER ama your GACUGWA

So wats in people, wats good, was happenin in ur space, in ur place, in ur town, in ur hood, in ur digoloz, in ur bunker, wat are u carrying inside that handbag that you dont want us to see, ni mangumu ( those tiny mandanyoz ), n i heard wasichana siku hizi munaweka hand held blow driers kwa bag, i dont know how true that vibe is, lakini i can only imagine.

And with the current unpredictable shower storms of Nairobi i also hear a pair of gum boots come in handy, which reminds me, i was informed there are new gucci ama sijui ni Louis Vuitton ndulaz ( a.k.a njumu ama viatu ) for dendeiz , that look like gum boots !!! 

So wazeeiya, brace urselves , Nairobi as we know it is about to turn into a shao scenario, where every shorty will be looking like a farmer on the rise !

Ebu just picture a scene in ur head vile wasee hutoka works tao wakienda home na psyk, alafu kila mshi unaona anatembea haraka na tu gumboots ..... na vile hizo vitu hupiga kelele, si u know that ka squeeshy sound, 

" kochoko kochoko kochoko" , hehe, i know we all remember this coz si wote tulizivaa.

Ma-Q, those gumboots never used to fit vizuri coz mapero wameona long term investment ...

 " Atazivaa mpaka afike class 8 ! " Na saa hiyo uko class 3 " lol !

How I got the info 4 those " Louis Vuitton BOOTS" ( a.k.a "YANAZ"... after YANA tyres ) was totally INVOLUNTARY :-) 

So some geniuses did a survey and discovered that Most , key word "MOST"men like women. 

Hehe, and people are paid to do this, what a douche !

Ahaa, so wats the point of contention u may ask ? .... Most men like beer too !

Tusker, Heineken, Sierra, Castle , Guinness, etc, u name it ! They all just sit well when chilled. 

Am sure most men , high on beer, made sure the survey didn't come out 100% in favor of men loving women only ...... and hence i wondered why ?

Why would a full grown ass nikka, say .... maybe, beer rules, maybe, beer just hits the SPOT ! 

Ahaa :-) i see a couple of u the dudes go like " NDASKA NI YA ME and THE MBOYS " 

And most of the women reading this are like , " U ARE JUST A DRUNK " , but some women also do admit that beer or wine (for those with a more delicate pallet), when compared to men , wine wins, actually they say wine just moves mountains for them ... :-) How? Go figure ! lol !

As i was sayn ... for men it becomes a rather confusing choice btw women and beer! I dug up a couple of finding or reasons that were given during the survey and they are just going to help you analyze which is better ! Ladies, please, kindly take it in the right sense. :-)

Numero uno ! A Beer is always wet, a woman is not! 1 point for beer! lol !

( Oh.....na ka siku-mention it's a points game )

Beer is horrible, when it is hot ! 1 point for women! So u see, u get a point too. N it continues like that and at the end we tally up the scores. Cool ?

A cold beer, satisfies you! 1 point for beer! lol ! ( this views are not mine :-) )

10 beers in a night and then you cant drive. 10 women in one night and you dont have to drive anywhere! 1 point for women! I concure :-)

The older the beer is - the better, it is! 1 point for beer! lol ! 

Many beers can make you see space ships and ish. Many women can make you see God! 1 point for women! lol !! 

If you ask yourself how the next woman will be, you are normal. If you ask yourself how the next beer will be, you are an alcoholic! 1 point for women! Hehe, uwache kukunywa , unaskia ?

For a beer, you pay taxes! 1 point for women! :-) Kwanza wit the tax we lipa in Kenya, ma slov ( i.e. chics ) should get two points on this. Na hao ma M.P. walipe ushuru ! CHOKA SSSSSSSANA ! 

........ Back to the comparison.........

If you take a second beer, the first one doesnt get angry! 1 point for beer! lol !

You can always be sure that, you are the first one opening a beer! 1 point for beer! Unless u drink beer in Rwanda, but that's a story for another day :-)

If you shake a beer, after a while it calms down by itself! 1 point for beer! hehe.

You know exactly how much a beer costs! 1 point for beer!

A beer does not have a mother ! 1 point for beer! hehe.... Ouch !! I know 4 the guys out there wit a mother in law who just kills every little achievement u do and she visits every month ..... HIGH 5 ! Smack !

You can do it if you want, but beer will never ask you to hug her for half an hour after! 1 point for beer! :-)

So the Score is ....

(DRUM ROLL PLEASE..........dududududududududududu....... DISH !!! ... u got 2 love the sound effects )

Beer beats Ladies  9 to 5 !!!

Nw, if you iz a dendei and u reading this and u gettn all puffed up and u gettn angry, please, undertstand that a beer .... would never get angry! 

So... Another point for beer! :-)

Now the final score is … Beer beats Chics 10 to 5! LOL !

Still on beer and chics ,I was reading this article and i quote ....

"Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.  The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. "

haha, WTF !!!! 

.......... and i continue .........

"To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each.  It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn’t drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong."

"No further testing is planned."

Hahaha, nw i get it !!!

But that wasn't the joke of the day...... "THE" Joke of the day is a about a guy, a monkey and its really dumb, laughed mpaka it had me crack a rib ... No?? U don't believe me? Easy then , soma uone :-) Visualize it, if u can .

A MONKEY and A GUY

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. 

The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The guy says "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. 

While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. 

"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"No, what?" replies the guy. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it!" said the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. 

" He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first..." 

hahahahahaha ! SILLY MONKEY !

P.s.  

For the chic who inboxed me those phoroz of u ukiosha nguo ..... NO !! Please STOP that ! i say NO NO NO !!! I didn't even know what to make of that, was it like a resume for ur good wit ur hands ..... ??? 

KLAT KING must have missed the point wit you ! :-)

And with that, AM OUT !!!

KLAT OUT !!! BRAP !

Watu wajienjoy, Weekendi Njema !