LOOK AT ME ... I'M A SIZE TWO !! Wait ... Isn't that a KID'S Shoe SIZE ??? :-)

Ahaaa, hahahaha, so how many of you have a story of the 1st day u checked into Nairobi, was chatting to a workmate and he's story just floored me, total winehouse situation :-)

Now i was picturing him being sent to NRB with back pack ) i mean a black paper bag / karatasi ) and a chicken / live cockerel ( engoho ), wrapped up in a separate paper bag / karatasi :-), by this point we all get to understand he's from Western ( not coz of the chicken but because of the paper bags, lol ! ) ... no pun intended to guys who walk around wit paper bags, trust me ,  i too walk wit paper bags :-) 
Anyhu, looking at the man now, you cant believe that vibe .... enyewe we all start from somewhere.

Was at some shin dig in Runda some 2 weeks ago n yessssss, the clear line of some are rich and some are broke , was clearly defined to me :-) for those who read Asterix, u kumbuka the way they would have a feast and each person had a huge ass, roasted pig on there plate , well me n my mate, we kinda felt like Asterix n Obelix , that day :-) and lets not even get into the rocco ( booze ) .... those babies were lined up on that bar counter like pin balls n boy did we KNOCK EM OUT :-) ..." BURP " 
Had a blast though, shout out to Gakii B ( mad connect ) :-)

Different story, not related ... the other day, twaz a random evening, me and a mate of mine were on the veranda having a DOOBEE/ happy moment /sigara nono :-). I tossed the roach ( kapyenga ) into the grass without looking. A few minutes later I noticed it landed near a small ant hill. Mzeeiya within kedo 15 minutes they had removed all of the herbs from inside of the paper n had it packed away inside their ka ant hill. Am betting they were in their little dirt mound high 5'n their little asses off.

I firmly believe now that South C has "stoner ants", i hope my nikka will concur this story and that it was not a vision i had while i lit up that Mary Jay :-)

Was reading this the other day, apparently in the States there is a Skinny Fat Strip Club :-) The joint is called Oasis.

Unlike your ordinary strip club, fat obese women come out naked and put their clothes back on. 

Haha, wait .... !! They put there clothes back on ?? hehe, okaaaaay !!! 

It was the brilliant idea of the owner Richard Handler. As a skinny old fart he felt a place like this would be appreciated by other old timers also married to big women. So mates, you can go and see the fattest women on the planet next time you are in Nowhere USA. :-)

Dick also says he is proud of how well the business is doing. "Every time I hear the crowd cheer when those big gals are up on stage putting their clothes back on, I know I made the right decision." 

Dick says the brainstorm came to him one night when his 320 pound wife Olga walked past him naked. LMAO !!!

So am not even gonna rip on the PHAT chics , No ! No ! No ... thats wrong , today the PHAT women can sit back and watch me let loose on em skinny toothpick chiquittas :-)

Now am not saying being skinny is bad, but being anorexic and loving it, ain't just correct, politically or otherwise ( smart joke right there ) :-)

So how on earth do you like tell the difference, like between a skinny dendei and an anorexic, la-lace ( chic ) ??? this is how i look at it.....

When you fika digz and she over there taking a bubble bath and her ass is floating in that bath water, dude .....  APANA !! Lisha yeye tu nduma !!!

Kama akimada kuoga and she tells you, " Denno, Ebu hand me that ka serviette hapo juu kwa meza ! " ati to dry her ass off ..... Mater Hospital haiko mbali, drip mara zat zat na itakuwa a lipid ( mafutha ) drip :-)

Randomly got this one from the net, ati if she uses a cat collar for a belt , that b**** be anorexic, hehehe ! 

Honestly tell that mami to eat something, its a disease that can be cured na tu nduma kidogo. yah, tu nduma !!! Am serious :-). Wee imagine ur outside on a breezy day, you here the wind whistling .... around her. 
Mnaanua manguo alafu instead of kuziweka kwa  clothes hamper, anarusha nguo ndani ya tin ya nescafe . :-)

And is that a bra she puts on ama its a band aid ??? Dude !! like WTF !!! Kimbiza yeye red cross wit that band aid :-) I mean.... lisha mtu tu nduma bana !!! Yaani ka manzi kamekata, akidunga ngepa her whole mwili is in the shade , hehe.

Ka mutu kamethela ( kamekonda excess ).Ebu tell her to kanyaga a cockroach, we see whether she can kill that thing, mende itahepa ikicheka mzeeiya :-) 

N then anaa thing, kila wakati amechoka. Lack of @#&$* nutrition. That dendei sleeps more than the family cat. Na she bebaz a ka pillow wit her every where, now u imagine in the car unafkiria anaingia na ka pillow for comfort right ?? WRONG !!!!! She sets that pillow infront of her because the seat belt won't adjust that small. SHTOOOOPID ! feed this mamiz am tellin you ! :-)


Worse if you driving with the windows down, she just twirls around huko ndani ni kaa ka nguo ndani ya washing machine.

So you fika the restaurant and u ask her , leo baby unakula nini, order zamzzzin, itisha kitu, wallet iko sambamba, n then you hear ...... "No thanks, I already ate this week". 
My guy, ebu dial a BURGER n slap her silly with it then stuff it down her throat, watu wanakufa na njaa n this size 2 is feeling ako salama. N wat is size 2 if not a F****N kiddoz SHOE SIZE  !!!! Choka Sssssana. 

you take her home , DSTV umelipa premium package, :-) .... you weka History channel and its a feature on the Third Reich ( German - Nazi times ) and it is shows the starving Jews in the death camps. If she goes like "They don't looked starved to me", am thinkn, throw her out through the key hole :-) ...SWISH , mara zat zat !!! hehe.

So time ya lungula imefika ( msee kulimana SHTIAKS ). Honestly you can't get on top of her , ukimpandilia, ribs zake zote GONE ! :-)

NiGHT OVER !!!

Anorexia is a serious problem and we have to address it. Size 2 is a shoe size ! Hope we have that down :-). Help a friend to move from a kids shoe size to a a lucious sexy figure, aaight, patia yeye tu nini ? ... Patia yeye, tu nduma 

:-) 

Shout to my bbie and all the sexy women out there who can eat a meal and still look good, bodies be hotter than mexican jalapen'o. Mnatumaliza :-)

Am not even gonna hit u wit the Joke of the DAY till next time !! SMACK ! 

KLAT KING is BACK !  BRAP !!!

Watch out, i might be rippn on you next :-)

KLAT OUT !!!!! Choka SSSSSSSSSSsssssanA !!!