ARE U HIS KLANDE ??? Look out for these signs !

Mbuzi choma , Beef Fry, Tusker, Jack Daniels, Wine, beautiful people and a whole load of MWAXX ... the weeeknd that just passed in one word ............
RE-FRESHENING ! 


Big up to my nikka Henry Bett, finally got a J, O, B .... and now sits, just behind me in the same office, hehe, n yesss... kazi itafanywa and productivity is at an all time high ! 

Congratulations are in order ..... and ladies, he's on a higher pay grade than me and he's "single" ( for those who understand the theory of RELATIVITY then you will understand why his "single" mode is in quotes, haha ) 

So the atha day i got an email, a friend request and an inbox :-) from a certain dendei, urging me to help her find out if she was a SIDE CHIC coz she jst dazn't know wats happening or going on in her relationship with her guy, n on and on she went, yadiyadayada ..... bottom line is , was her guy playing her ?

Now, I am no Aunt Betsy, where you get all ur relationship and marital issues sorted out, but i kinda felt sory 4 her coz her photo is really pretty and av scheduled a date wit her next week , bt thats beside the point :-) 

The point is ........... hehehehe, the point is ....... hw can KLAT KING help this damzel in distress ? :-) 

So i did a bit of research and i landed on some pretty gud material that will help any chic, slov, dendei, dwas, mami, shawty,etc. to understand if she is a MPANGO wa KANDO, yaani kama ur not the furi furi condition in his life then u must be a KLANDESTINE !!! 

Ma-Q, for thos wanaitwagwoh .... "washaba", i.e. shady folk,  Klandestine is not the country bordering Palestine ! 

( ummmm..... okay that joke was dry )

Moving along swiftly................................................ ( so embarassed )

Now my fellow nikkas, I will confirm that the BRO CODE has not been breached. I have gone thru the rules before publishing this post and i can say that the following statements are those expressed from research by a girl obviously ! At NO point did i thnk that they were cool, but I however found them enlightening so that if for some reason ur chic ( ahem !! ...... Excuse me ... UR SIDE chic  ) is aware of these things and is planning to bust ur canniving piece of an Awesome cheater ass, then u will be safe , as u will COUNTER her ways and reign supreme and we ( all men ) will seat at the top of Mt. Olympus and share of our close encounter , nearly busted tales, over assorted peanuts and beer ! 

P.S. Am in a very happy relationship and the views expressed above are of a deranged idiot and i do NOT condone cheating :-) 

Kiki, babe, u rock :-*

So ladies, here are a couple of things you probably need to take note of ...

1. His phone NEVER rings (***hii ni uwongo, u guy my guy, c u just ambia her ur not a social guy )

If you’re with someone throughout the day and you never seen them reach for their phone, you’re the side chick. Who carries a phone and doesn’t receive at least one phone call or text message throughout the day. It could be on silent (no sound or vibration) or it’s completely off, either way he’s not talking on the phone around you. What is he hiding? 

(***classic case of chic paranoia, hehe )

2. His phone is usually uncharged, about to die or out of service

If 90% of the time you call him it goes straight to voicemail, you’re the side chick. This correlates to his phone never ringing. He could be with someone else at the time and can’t pick up the phone to talk to you, so he turns it off. No one carries around a dead phone all the time.

(*** he's an engineer and the sites he visits are very far away in the bundus .... si basi ninunulie generator, choka ssssana !!! ) :-)

3. He repeats himself a lot ( *** since when was being a stammerer a crime, my feelings are hurt :-) )

If he repeatedly tells you what’s he’s doing this up coming weekend or what he did this past weekend, you’re one of many side chicks. The reason a guy repeats himself is because he can’t remember who he told what to. When he can’t remember, his options are to 
A) ask if he told you “X ‘or 
B) repeat himself. 
The smart guy would repeat himself because asking if he told you something is admitting that he can’t keep track of his women.

4. His compliments are focused around physical appearance

(*** he just has an eye 4 art, kwani mnataka chali mwenye si artistic ? )
If the only nice things he has to say about you is centered around the way you look or your performance, you’re the sexy side chick. This guy is obviously only into you for your body. Most people think that guys are one track minded, so compliments only surrounding sex, make sense. But the truth is that we actually think about other stuff too.
So if you say something somewhat intelligent and his reply is, “Your lips are so cute” chances are you’re not the chick that he listens to.

5. Dates are never last minute

(*** haha, this is a flippn lie, just coz am organized unaanza kunishuku ? )
If ALL your dates are planned at least a week in advanced, he has other chicks on his schedule. He probably sets aside a day just for his side chicks. If you’re not already in the books for that day on the current week, he makes you wait until the following week, before he’s “free” again. 
(*** The NIkka has got a JOB , are u freakn kiddn me ???? )

6. Dates are closer to your home/work than his

If you’ve never been out to a place that’s in the vicinity of his job or home, you’re the side chick. He never takes you to those places because he doesn’t want to risk the chance of running into something that may know about his other chick(s). Next time you go out with him, suggest a place near his home and see he what says.
( *** the closer u are to ur digs the easier it is 2 drop ur pretty ass, so u want me to drive u 4rm a restaurant 40 miles away 2 ur digz ? Na mbwa za kwetu hazijui wageni, hehe )

7. He’s never disappointed or angry or upset when you cancel on him

If he could care less whether he sees you are not, you’re the side chick. Things come up all the time and you may have to cancel a date with him. If he is too cool about not seeing you, he definitely has someone else to occupy his time.
(*** being understanding is being misconstrued for this ???? CHOKA SSSSSSANA ! ) 

8. You never catch him looking at other women

If you’re with a guy and he NEVER looks at attractive women when they pass by, he can’t be trusted. He’s either on the DL or well-trained as a player. What ever the case is, it’s not good for you.
(*** N when we look u complain that we dont focus on you, and when we dont look you still complain ??? haha )

9. He disabled his wall on his Facebook profile

If I guy doesn’t want people leaving messages on his Facebook wall, chances are that he’s hiding something, or someone. That someone could be you.
(*** i don't want my boss whose my friend on fb, readn the nasty comments my boyz write, and u know how nasty they can get, huh ? :-) )

10. He keeps his home extra clean

If a guys apartment is always clean, it could mean one of two things: 
1) his girlfriend cleans it for him or 
2) he’s used to entertaining a lot of women, and women love a clean apartment. If you were impressed by it, chances are you’re not the only one who is.

( *** Hahahaha ! since when has Tidiness , cleanliness, ... MOther#@$@^@&, whoever came up wit this takataka can go lay an egg ,coz they must be a goose ! :-) )


Ridiculous i know !! So fellaz am sure 4 a freaGIN min u thot i was gonna toss some salad, huh ?? NEVER ! Bro CODE to the max ! hi 5 ! SMACK !!!!


DISCLAIMER : the views expressed in this column are of a deranged bafoon known as KLATKING ! The real man behind the BRAND, " KlatKing " is a relationship fearing man , does not cheat and has never chat ( opposite of cheat ). 
If you are of the fairer sex ( and i do not mean GAY ) please inbox me your issues and i will sort them out as described above or setup a meet at a private location of your choice. Discretion is key and all our clients privacy is handled with utmost care. :-) Thank you.




AND the joke of the day :-)

A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. 
Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. 
After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. 


The bartender is curious and asks him, "Every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?" 


The man replies


 "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."


hahahaha! 


Boys lets go home !


KLAT OUT !!!! BRAP !