NANI ALIPE MBOCH 7,500 !!!!!! CHOKA SSSSANA !!!!!!

Wsup wsup KLATISTS ( ardent Klat king bloggers ) i greet u all :-) 
SSSSMACK !!!!


Its been a random couple of weeks and we have seen the best of Nairobi, and am hoping uv been vigilant. 


If you have then you should have seen Mike Sonko seek independence for his shinde ( i.e. a moti 4 the not so .COM :-) ) and was victorious as he freed his car from the opressive city council clamp! Let us not forget his Mohammed Ali , float like a butterfly sting like a bee air jabs and pin point precision attack on a wall, fence and gate :-)


Sam Ongeri ...... Sam Ongeri is just a pice of *#%@^$@ . I commend the activists. You must have seen the mad-max, nun chuck, saber rider, gate chain activists ! Awesome right ?
( ma-Q, they had applied themselves wit human excrements, toka juu hadi chini, talk about, passion 4 the cause ) 


They made Freddie Krueger ( Nightmare on Elm Street) look like Justin Bieber :-)


But honestly they sounded the trumpets and made all kenyans understand , that if ur tired ruggedy ass of a mother *&%#$@  ........SHUT UR MOUTH .... steals 4B  ..... !!! then rest assured , we are coming to ur door step ....... covered wit placards and faeces. Am just saying ! :-)


Nw i dont know hw that is supposed to cartail Sam and his friends' wicked ways but am assuming it was like an abstract expression of their views, that we will NOT TAKE UR SHIT dear SIR !!! 
" U dont give us SHIT ... We bring the SHIT #@%^&^ !" Choka Sssssana !! :-)


So .... ati our mboches ( house helps/gals or 4 some of us, our 1st sexual teacher/trainer/patner ) are gettn a pay rise, mimimum salo sijui 8 Ngwaa !!!! For those who have been paying thea mboch 1500 am sure u went like WTF !!! Hehe.


A pal of mine broke it down it down like this : 

We already pay beyond the minimum 7,500/- wage!!! 1.       Basic - 3,500.00 2.       Accommodation – (three star, but let us rate it real River road cheap, @ 200 per          night x 30 days) – KES 6,000/= a month 3.       Food – (Same diet as the boss! Sausages, marmalade, fruits and all but at River Road rates) B/Fast @KES 80/=, lunch @ KES 100/=, dinner @ KES 150/= Total day KES 450/= x 30 days – KES 9,900/= 4.       Utilities – Water @ 500/=a month (200 litres a day – boy, do those girls know how to use water!), Electricity (watching Nigeria movies on Africa Magic & Channel ‘o’, microwaving food, water heater etc) @ 1,000/= a month, Soap & Laundry (NOTHING TO SAY HERE!!!) @ 1,500/= a month. 5.       Admin and training costs -  (they have to be trained on how to operate everything, including flushing the loos, pinching kitchen budget for airtime and marashi etc) @ 600 a month. 6.       GRAND TOTAL – KES 23,000/= a month. Chief, if I put a + 10 % margin of error on the above, these people earn Supervision pay and benefits, do nothing for 8 out of 12 hours (the other 12 they are sleeping). They therefore qualify as Grade 4 (management) and are therefore outside the minimum wage bracket!  My dear house-girl, Before I comply to the minimum wage requirement that you heard about on my radio/plasma TV, please update your CV and attach the following: 1.  A secondary school certificate can do but having a degree will be an added advantage 2.  Certificate in housekeeping from recognized institution. 3.  A paper narrating your previous experience, minimum 5 years. 4.  Should be fluent in English and Swahili and my vernacular since my mother in law  visits once in a while. 5.  Most of my household equipments are digital, like microwave,     mobile phone, radio system, Cable TV and Video, You therefore need to have a diploma in       Information Technology!!. 6. Three reputable referees. Regards, Your employer

HAHAHAHAHA !

Nw that must have brought a smile to those who lipa em 1500 bob :-)


Moving along ........ So av like randomized a couple of jokes that guys forwarded to me.


Nw , see we all love ku hog, ku sosi, ku jibonda, truth be told , sote twapenda kuManga , right ??


(And on that last one .... am still talking bout food :-) ..... try throwing in Alfred Mutua's voice in that statement and it sounds even better, haha )


So this is what you would face on the menu if u walked into a Lunje ( Luhya ) food cafe those sides for Western, say for instance Bungoma town. :-)

MENU

Tonut na maantasi  5.00/=
Homelet Blain        4.50/=
Jai na zgonji          5.00/=
Tenku na ukali       6.00/=
Jabati Pantika        6.40/=
Gugu ya ingo         50.00/=
Gugu ya genjik      25.00/=
Mgade Poflo          6.50/=
Zdrungi kafu          1.50/=
Matonto na Mihoko 30.00/= Zamagi ntoko        23.00/=

hahahaha.....

And this was seen in a Khakhameka (kakamega) kiosk :-)

Jayi shikombe ndoko  5/=
Jayi shikombe kupwa  7/=
Jabadi msima           10/=
Mandasi kitoko          5/=
Mkuu ya gugu           25/=
Gugu Kupwa msima  100/=
Ukali mulima            15/=
Zubu wa msima        12/=
Fiasi garanga (jips)   15/=
Ukali wa mawimpi     11/=

"Karipuni nyode pila jugi na vidina" "mkiyendako mruti tena azandeni"

And my personal favourite ... from a restaurant in Nyanza :

Chai ukuombe muoto 5/=

Hahahaha ! 


The way we speak just identifies us, so we should be proud of our origins  :-)




Oh n finally, a jeng ( luo ) is in a jav and wants to alight, so he tells the konkodi ( conductor )


" SukiSa mimi hapo kwa petrol SteSSon bwana ! " :-)




The msapere ( Kikuyu ) sittn next to him starts to laugh and comments ...


" Inaonekana nikamakwaBa unaCHida ya matamiCHi ! "




LMFAO !!!!!






Enjoy ur day people ! SMACK !!






KLAT OUT !!!! BRAP !!!