NANI ALIANDIKA HIVI KWA CHUPA YANGU YA TUSKER ????

WAAAAT !!! Hii baridi itatumaliza as we know it. Dude, man its like winter in Nairobi ! 


Don't u wish u just had those tiny miniature whisky bottles that they serve u ukiwa huko ndani kwa ndege ( na KQ are very stinji wit thos botiz, i personally recommend fly emirates ) and of cos with ur Kenyan tabiaz u ask 4 none less than 6 of em tiny bastards. :-)


Now, i have no idea why my chic keeps insisting on telling me " Take off your clothes and pull out your credit cards, its FRIDAY!! "


I aint calling her an eskimo or anythn :-) , but in this weather some may beg to differ ! lol ! 


Anyhu, being a FURAHI-day, evry1 on a pay grade sufficient to warm their bellies wit a mug of beer or a glass of wine is definitely heading to the bar after work ! and when i say evry1 i mean a multitude of 'wanaNICHI' :-)


Lenga the 8th wonder of the world, sijui going to the Mara watchn Wild beest crossing the Tana River ! F*** that ! Wee enda tu usimame pale kencom at 5pm leo. I call it the ONLY wonder of the world :-) 


Kenyans flock away from ( yaani watu wanaenda in the opposite direction ) the matatu terminus' in a synchronized fashion. 
Its like we practice the routine in small sects during the week after work and come friday at 5p.m. it all comes together like it was choreographed by that guy 4rm 'so u think u can dance' ( the one whose head bobbles about like he's about to have a seizure or like a retard trying to chase all the bright stage lights ) 


So ... we enter into whichever drinking den/palour/bar/pit-stop we can squeeze into ! And the equivalent of the crocodiles in that river to Nairobians, is the traffic jam. 
If u can beat the traffic and reach the promised land a.k.a "the BAR" you have accomplished the impossible :-)


For some, as they sit at their desks they go into this trance, unnoticeable but yet powerful as 5p.m. draws near , and when the cookoo bird jumps out of that clock ( nani anakumbuka bell ya home time ukiwa prima, n the dash to see who would chuk out of the gate 1st ? ka uliwai kuwa no.1 in that event, lets just say , we all sadly know by now you wea never among the bright kids in skool , hehe, true story sio diss ) 


Anyhu, wea was I ...... yeah, for these guys chukn from the office, lets just say Usain Bolt on a 100 meter dash runs like Pamela Anderson on baywatch ( super slow motion > i.e. for the slow ones :-)) 


And what is it with this craze in the office of whoever comes up with the location of the new LOUNGE in town or whicheva "lokeh" ( i.e. joint ) u discovered it in you are promoted to head HONCHO , at least until you are dethroned by discovery of another new, fresh, banging 'lokeh' by a different workmate !!! 


Mtu anakuwa rewarded na a title of " Mr. or Mrs. PLAN ." Its like those stars u are awarded wen u wea in naso ( nursery ) for spelling banana correctly. For the smart ones u definitely see the RELATION here :-)


Alcohol does kinda kick ass. No....i correct myself ! Alcohol KICKS major ASS !! Drinking is polite but we gotta have a LIMIT to how we drink. 


And theaz no better random advert to limit our excessive drinking and driving than the one where ur piss drunk and Nameless pops out 4rm NOWHERE ! This advert just wins 4 creativity ( am being very sarcastic ) hehe. 


Nameless, F***n teleports into the advert. He just pops into the scene like a fairy god mother and starts rumbling on n on and offers to drive u and ur gorgeous wife back to ur house !! 


The guy who came up with that advert was indeed , with no doubt in my mind

..................................................PISS DRUNK !!! 


Ata unishow nini, that nikka who came up wit that advert had a bright idea as he sat there, piss drunk ..... on bad beer like Pilsner ( hehe, that beer is for sissys) , wit a couple of his KENYAN pals at his favourite " LOUNGE " :-)


Lemme not bore you wit the usual drinking blogger story and i will jump right into the some witty stuff i picked up last night while i knocked back a couple of shots of JD with my "team mates" as we rehearsed for the ONLY wonder of the world :-) happening today at 5p.m. Don't miss out, its a sold out event. :-)



So when your drunk here are some word that are DIFFICULT TO SAY :

* Indubitably
* Preliminary ( *** wasapere, izeni )
* Proliferation ( *** wasapere tena , izeni , hehehe)


And when you are drunk here are some words that are VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY :


* Specificity
* Antidisestablishmentarianism
* Loquacious
* Transubstantiate


Hiyo ya pili ata ukiwa sorber ni disaster ! N if ur a Jeng, umekwiSaa ! lol !


And here are some statements of which when you are drunk, are DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY : 


* Thanks, but I don't want to have sex  ! (hahaha)
* Nope, no more booze for me  !
* Sorry, but you're not really my type ( hehe )
* Oh, no, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing !


Next up ........ 


What if when you ordered that tusker bottle and EABL just decide to make u well aware that excessive alcohol consumption is harmful to your health and they tried on a couple of the following for good measure ??


Wakenya bado najua mtakunywa 'excessively' no matter wat :-)


1. WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties. (*** hahaha) 


2. WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.


3. WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.


4. WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.


5. WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.( *** just go to any Karaoke night n u will see :-) )


6. WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. 


7. WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.


8. WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns. On the forehead, knees and lower back. ( *** haha )


9. WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.


10. WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.


11. WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. (*** hehe)


12. WARNING:
The crumsumpten of alcahol may mack you tink you can tipe reel gude. (***lol)




As a recognized, exemplary, accredited and world renowned "writer" :-) i think no.12 applies 4 me.


You can leave comments on the ones that apply to you in the comments section below ! :)




AND.................. we cannot forget ...... the joke of the day :)




REDNECKS IN THE HOSPITAL and what they understand when they hear:

Artery......................The study of paintings.
Benign......................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria....................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium......................What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section............A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan.....................Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize...................Made eye contact with her.
Colic.......................A sheep dog.
Coma........................A punctuation mark.
D&C.........................Where Washington is.
Dilate......................To live long.
Enema.......................Not a friend.
Fester......................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula......................A small lie.
Genital.....................Non-Jewish person.
G.I.Series..................World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail....................What you hang your coat on.
Impotent....................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain..................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff...............A Doctor's cane.
Morbid......................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates....................Cheaper than day rates.
Node........................I knew it.
Outpatient..................A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear...................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis......................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative..............A letter carrier.
Recovery Room...............Place to do upholstery.
Rectum......................Darn near killed him.
Secretion...................Hiding something
Seizure.....................Roman emperor.
Tablet......................A small table.
Terminal Illness............Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor.......................More than one.
Urine.......................Opposite of you're out
Varicose....................Near by

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ! ( ..... can't stop laughn) enjoy ur FURAHI-day people ! 

KLAT OUT !!!! BRAP !!