1. A guy had a major argument with his girlfriend. He was in the wrong, but not enough to back down without an argument. So after storming away, and cooling off, the guy had a think. He was clearly in the wrong and felt pretty guilty, with all the trauma it had caused.
So to make it up to his girlfriend, he said he'd buy her a gift.
"Any thing at all, my love", the guy said, overcome with remorse.
"Oh, I don't know", she replied, "You really shouldn't do this you know. But, if you are, just get me something really expensive, that I don't need."
The following day he booked her in for chemotherapy.
2. Man buys his wife a valentines present. She opens it and asks, "What the F*** do I want with a rocket?!"
Husband replies, "You wanted space, now F*** off!
3. I went to a job interview yesterday for the position of Domestic Abuse Advisor. Apparently, advising the husband to lead with the left wasn't the sort of advice they wanted.
4. My girlfriend, says that men only say their cars are a she, because they can get inside them any time they want.
I politely added, that we can also turn them on, control them and abandon or sell them whenever we want.
5. My girlfriend came back from the hairdressers She gushed "Do you notice the difference?"
My answer "Its definitely got warmer in the last few days" ....... make it about 23 hours and 40 mins since she last spoke to me.
6. Dave watched his flat chested wife try on her new bra."What do you want a bra for? You've got nothing to put in them", he smirked.
"I don't complain when you buy underpants" she replied.
7. How do you stop your wife from nagging you in the car from the front seat?
Sit her in the back!
8. Dimitar Berbatov walks into a bar with a dog, who has no limbs, no tail, no eyes, and no nose.
The barman says, "Dear Lord, what a useless creature! Where did you get him from?"
"Tottenham Hotspur", the dog replies.
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